hearing Gods voice – Tru Original

Articles Tagged with: hearing Gods voice

St. Faustina

Apostle of Mercy

As you know by now, before i prepare to paint a Saint, I pray with them and ask, “how would you like to be portrayed?” The only thing that Faustina wanted was to be on her knees under His merciful Rays. She wanted to have a look of peace on her face, submitting herself to these rays, this shower of mercy.

I painted St. Faustina rather quickly but she was quite particular about the depths and importance of the Rays, because of this, the Rays took me over 2 1/2 weeks to finish. They are layer upon layer of color and medium. Finally, Faustina was pleased and the icon was completed. (side note… watching the movie Love and Mercy, i was shocked to see how Faustina instructed artist Eugene Kazimierowski, in the same manner she hounded, i mean inspired me! i cried like a baby in the theater at the confirmation of her guidance. ) In my frustration I complained, “why have you been so hard?!” Her reply was “do you think mercy is easy?” I knew interiorly that she was asking me to be merciful with myself. And I thought of the crucifix.

Jesus died for me in His mercy. Being merciful with myself is really embracing His merciful love in humility.

It takes humility to be forgiving, a lot of humility. When we can forgive ourselves, we are acknowledging that we are a sinner and nothing more, and that we need God.

Someone asked me once the difference between mercy and grace…the crucifix, that is mercy! I finished this icon of St. Faustina on Our Lady of Mercy feast day, Sept. 24… I just can’t make this stuff up! It’s just too good!

He who knows how to forgive prepares for himself many graces from God. As often as I look upon the cross, so often will I forgive with all my heart – St. Faustina

This picture was sent to me by a sweet young lady who took my Saint Faustina icon to The National Shrine of Divine Mercy to be blessed! Wow, oh wow! Felt like i was with her in spirit, and was so happy she shared this with me. xo

Keeping My Focus on LOVE

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When I started a series of posts about unhealthy thought patterns some months back, I was really moving away from a long stint with negativity and I felt like I had some tools to share that may help others who were or are struggling in that place of BLAH! I had been hurt and forgotten what LOVE looked like. I love the quote by Brene Brown in the above image about her definition of LOVE. It reminds me of how love is cultivated and how love is destroyed.

I still want to share what worked for me in turning away from hurt and towards love. I hope it helps you move away from the ugly and focus on love, beauty and truth. I think a good place to get started again is from an excerpt from one of my blog post on this series…

I was in this dark place and I was dwelling on negativity, completely unaware of my feelings of hurt and rejection. So how did I get out of that dark hole? I am not an expert on feelings or anything for that matter, but I can tell you about 4 things that are working for me.

Set aside time for prayer and reflection everyday.
Identify my feelings and acknowledge why I’m feeling that way, then release them.
Intentional thinking.
Attitude of gratitude.

Let’s pick up where we left off !

Identify my feelings and acknowledging them is a good start. Most of the time what I’m feeling is a long way off from what is really going on. I know that seems harsh, but it’s true. Being an emotional being means sometimes our feeling are not reality. Brene Brown uses a great line that says, “the story I’m making up in my head is…” I love this because it immediately set the tone for more gentle and realistic self talk. Take this scenario…I am angry with a friend that does not respond to a text or email for several days. After recognizing my anger, I ask my self if anger is the correct response to not texting/ emailing someone back? Well, I’m not feeling anger as much I feel rejected. Why I am feeling rejection? Maybe my friend doesn’t care about me as much as I care about her? Is this a fact or an insecurity? Here is where Brene’s line works! ” The story I’m making up in my head is my friend doesn’t care about me.” Most likely, because she is a friend, the root of my feelings is based in insecurity because I know that my friend loves me, I see her actions towards me. Do I need to stay in this place of anger and insecurity after acknowledging this this is not a fact? No, I’m free to let go of that feeling and replace it with truth which is my friend is probably out of town or busy at work. This enables me to be compassionate towards my friend and move on. This is a powerful exercise and I have even said to my husband “the story I’m making up in my head is…” Even though he laughed, it got us to a place of truth and allowed me to be vulnerable. Hard, but worth it.

Intentional thinking is huge when trying to break the cycle of negativity. I don’t believe that critical, negative people enjoy feeling like a tyrant or victim. I believe they are stuck and this way of living has become that house guest that outstays their welcome. I do not wallow in negative thought patterns any longer. If I feel my thinking get stuck in a place of pitty, anger, negativity then I recognize that I am in that place and intentionally release the darkness ( because that is not the voice of God) and I align my thoughts with goodness and joy. My mind sometimes goes down what I call ‘the rabbit hole’. This happens when I am in that worse plane crash scenario that I wrote about and I get stuck in that. Identifying my thoughts, and moving towards intention is 2 big steps to take towards choosing LOVE.

Last, but maybe most important is to have an Attitude of Gratitude. Sounds so elementary but it’s not always easy to find gratitude in the reality of everyday life. But, gratitude is truly a lifestyle, a way of seeing that sets you on a path of freedom, hope and JOY . “Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be all right, and the determined choice to praise God in all things.” Kay Warren. That is gratitude in my opinion. When we can praise God for ALL things, we learn to look at our blessing and come to understand that He is in control. One thing that helps me and my family to focus on GRATITUDE is to keep an ongoing list of things that we’re grateful for. Maybe this can work for you too.

I’m making a choice, I’m choosing love over hate today! How about you?

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Running with the Scissors

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This week, I came across this poem from Marianne Williamson and every bit of my heart yelled out “TRUTH”. I read this poem some years ago, but the word TRUTH didn’t come to mind. Maybe the word was bullshit, or lie, or what a load of crap. Regardless, I was not in a place in my life when I could recognize that I had a light and what it would mean if I let it shine.

Even now, when I know that all of us are born with gifts, talents, and “lights”, I sometimes hold back. Why? I could point to many reasons why I hold back…fear that my gifts won’t measure up (to whom I’m not sure), fear that someone will demand something of my gifts and I will be obligated (commitment phob), fear that I will become stifled and unable to produce ( bored and trapped)…ugh! It really doesn’t matter what the fear is telling me because the job of this fear is simply to put out my light. To extinguish the excitement, the courage, the joy, the trust and hold me in a place of stagnation. This fear is the lie that holds us all captive and redirects us from the “Glory of God that is within us”.

So, the image I kept getting in my head all week as I meditated on this poem was a little girl running with scissors. The little girl doesn’t know how dangerous it is to run with scissors, she’s innocent, and she’s not even thinking about the scissors…she’s running ahead to the next paper doll, or snow flake, ready to do what she does…shine.

If you follow me on Facebook or you’re part of my Art and Soul Prompts group, you know that it’s been all about courage and slaying the fear monster this month. You may recognize the above image as our April Soul prompt. if you don’t, be part of the group. I would love to support you along the way.

One last thing, I want to give you a little gift, the above image titled Own Your Light graphic . Print it off and hang it in a place that you will see it first thing in the morning…the mirror, the coffeemaker, the shower door. But don’t just look at it, read the words and believe in Your Light.

Own your light, it’s who you are, a child of God.

Sts. Perpetua and Felicity

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Today is the feast day of Martyrs Sts. Perpetua and Felicity! These two Saints were persecuted and died because of their faith and love of Jesus. And last month, I had the honor of painting a mixed media painting for The Happy Catholic Box.

As you may have already read on my website, I have had a long, and often times, stubborn dialog with Jesus when it comes to painting The Saints. I feel like my artwork has always had a faith based tone to it, but I was never all in with my art…meaning that I didn’t really surrender this part of myself to God. Honestly, I kept it for myself because I really didn’t think I was good enough or worthy of painting a Saint. I guess I felt like God didn’t want that part of me. Truth is, I’m not worthy or good enough and this is a good thing, He has to do the work for me! So, needless to say, this has been a long process of surrender and allowing God’s love to ” convince” me he can handle it. Oh how He pursues us! Thank you Jesus!

Admittedly, I knew very little about St. Perpetua and Felicity when I began the process of the painting. I rarely know which Saint will come through in my paintings until the end, so setting out to paint a particular Saint is rare for me. Getting to know these two Saints before and during the painting was exciting because this intimacy always comes after I have completed a painting and God has revealed which Saint was brought out through the painting.

First thing that I uncovered in my research was that they were from Africa, therefore, they had dark skin…and although many artists portray them as white, they are black. “Ok God, I’ve never painted a black person…how do you think I will do that?” May seem simple to many, but to me, this is unchartered territory. If you are an artist, you know that skin tones have a lot of colors in them and if you don’t add the right colors or enough colors, you can get flat, one dimensional results. Once again, He keeps me needing Him.

Next thing I learned about these beautiful women was that they were imprisoned together, along with 3 others, for refusing to renounce their Christian faith. St. Perpetua had to leave her baby for a period of time until she was finally granted permission to have her infant stay with her in the prison. In her diary, she writes…“What a day of horror! Terrible heat, owing to the crowds! Rough treatment by the soldiers! To crown all, I was tormented with anxiety for my baby…. Such anxieties I suffered for many days, but I obtained leave for my baby to remain in the prison with me, and being relieved of my trouble and anxiety for him, I at once recovered my health, and my prison became a palace to me and I would rather have been there than anywhere else.”

St. Felicity was 8 months pregnant and set to be executed along side St Perpetua, but at the time, it was illegal to shed the innocent blood of an unborn baby. St. Felicity prayed that she would give birth before the set date of the execution so that she could die alongside Perpetua, rather than dying alone. It is written “The guards made fun of her, insulting her by saying, “If you think you suffer now, how will you stand it when you face the wild beasts?” Felicity answered them calmly, “Now I’m the one who is suffering, but in the arena Another will be in me suffering for me because I will be suffering for him.” Two days before the execution, she gave birth to a healthy baby girl who was adopted by a Christian woman.

So parents, imagine for a moment, that you had to choose between God and your faith or your innocent child. Both these Saints knew and trusted God enough to leave their children and die for Him. This is suffering from the deepest place, this is how The Blessed Mother suffered when she watched Jesus die on the cross. I started to feel the unworthiness set in again…”God, these women were fearless in their love for you, how do I paint fearless love?” His answer, “you can’t, but I can.”

A story about St. Perpetua that really touched my heart was her response to her pagan father when he tried to get her to renounce her Christianity. Pointing to a water jug, she asked her father, “See that pot lying there? Can you call it by any other name than what it is? “Her father answered, “Of course not.” Perpetua responded, “Neither can I call myself by any other name than what I am a Christian.” I love this Holy Spirit confidence! She knows what she is up against and she calls it like it is, very simply, I am a Christian. This is why, in the painting, I had to paint that water jug, which also symbolizes that she was newly baptized. You can learn more about these Saints here.

I was spending some time in prayer about a week after I completed the painting and felt God’s voice tell me to be still. I sat and my eyes settled upon the painting of these Saints and I notice for the first time their halos, and how they intertwined. Why had I painted that, I asked. God’s response, and I’m so not kidding, ” Google it.” Going to my computer I discover that this symbol was called Vesica Pisces or Jesus fish and in present time is used to promote Christianity but in the original meaning it was used to depict the womb of Mary and the coming together of heaven and earth though Jesus. As I am reading this, tears fill my eyes. How amazing it feels to be used by God! The richness of His love is unchanging and it moves people to love fearlessly.

I have Holy Cards available of St. Perpetua and Felicity and on the back of the card, a prayer I wrote:

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Here are some photos that show how my painting process happens.

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