brene-brown-what-is-love

When I started a series of posts about unhealthy thought patterns some months back, I was really moving away from a long stint with negativity and I felt like I had some tools to share that may help others who were or are struggling in that place of BLAH! I had been hurt and forgotten what LOVE looked like. I love the quote by Brene Brown in the above image about her definition of LOVE.  It reminds me of how love is cultivated and how love is destroyed.

I still want to share what worked for me in turning away from hurt and towards love.  I hope it helps you move away from the ugly and focus on love, beauty and truth. I think a good place to get started again is from an excerpt from one of my blog post on this series…

I was in this dark place and I was dwelling on negativity, completely unaware of my feelings of hurt and rejection.  So how did I get out of that dark hole? I am not an expert on feelings or anything for that matter, but I can tell you about 4 things that are working for me.

Let’s pick up where we left off !

  • Identify my feelings and acknowledging them is a good start. Most of the time what I’m feeling is a long way off from what is really going on. I know that seems harsh, but it’s true. Being an emotional being means sometimes our feeling are not reality. Brene Brown uses a great line  that says, “the story I’m making up in my head is…” I love this because it immediately set the tone for more gentle and realistic self talk.  Take this scenario…I am angry with a friend that does not respond to a text or email for several days. After recognizing my anger, I ask my self if anger is the correct response to not texting/ emailing someone back? Well, I’m not feeling anger as much I feel rejected. Why I am feeling rejection? Maybe my friend doesn’t care about me as much as I care about her? Is this a fact or an insecurity? Here is where Brene’s line works!  ” The story I’m making up in my head is my friend doesn’t care about me.” Most likely, because she is a friend, the root of my feelings is based in insecurity because I know that my friend loves me, I see her actions towards me. Do I need to stay in this place of anger and insecurity after acknowledging this this is not a fact? No, I’m free to let go of that feeling and replace it with truth which is my friend is probably out of town or busy at work. This enables me to be compassionate towards my friend and move on. This is a powerful exercise and I have even said to my husband “the story I’m making up in my head is…” Even though he laughed, it got us to a place of truth and allowed me to be vulnerable. Hard, but worth it.

 

  • Intentional thinking is huge when trying to break the cycle of negativity. I don’t believe that critical, negative people enjoy feeling like a tyrant or victim. I believe they are stuck and this way of living has become that house guest that outstays their welcome. I do not wallow in negative thought patterns any longer. If I feel my thinking get stuck in a place of pitty, anger, negativity then I recognize that I am in that place and intentionally release the darkness ( because that is not the voice of God) and I align my thoughts with goodness and joy. My mind sometimes goes down what I call ‘the rabbit hole’. This happens when I am in that worse plane crash scenario that I wrote about  and I get stuck in that. Identifying my thoughts, and moving towards intention is 2 big steps to take towards choosing LOVE.

 

  • Last, but maybe most important is to have an Attitude of Gratitude. Sounds so elementary but it’s not always easy to find gratitude in the reality of everyday life. But, gratitude is truly a lifestyle, a way of seeing that sets you on a path of freedom, hope and  JOY .   “Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be all right, and the determined choice to praise God in all things.” Kay Warren. That is gratitude in my opinion. When we can praise God for ALL things, we learn to look at our blessing and come to understand that He is in control. One thing that helps me and my family to focus on GRATITUDE is to keep an ongoing list of things that we’re grateful for. Maybe this can work for you too.

I’m making a choice, I’m choosing love over hate today! How about you?

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